Thursday, April 28, 2011
We patiently place one foot down and we patiently wait for the will and the strength to put the next foot forward. I cling to the lotus feet of Guru and Gauranga so that in this teeter-tottering forward I don't completely lose my balance and fall over the edge of the cliff.
We must have patience, lest we go mad. Lest we become so driven we drive ourselves right into the abyss of trying to be someone whom we are not. A mellow, engaged intelligence, aloof from the vagaries and the whirlpools of the mind, yet deeply ingrained in the ongoing blissful struggle for life and love, gives us the proper speed in devotional life. This allows the actual grace of the Vaisnavas, and their seeds of pure intention placed in our hearts, to properly fructify.
Above all, patience is letting Krsna work His will through our tiny hands and hearts. We let go to His embrace and His desire, and this is the sweetest release into the arms of our greatest friend. We give up our predilection to be the "center of the universe", gaining an active detachment in service that makes us properly functioning instruments of His sweet heart.
To just see it in their eyes
No matter how dolled up, how fabulous, how in a rush
How many votes, how many albums sold.
There is not real happiness in this city, in this world
Only at Your lotus feet.
Bring them to your lotus feet
You see it in their eyes
No matter how their appetites are being fulfilled
The reflection of the hole within their heart
Fill it at Your lotus feet
When will I no longer hesitate? Reach out with my heart with tact, warmth, the needful. The vision of the saintly, manifest in the proper action, setting up a impenetrable shelter, no holes in the roof.
To over come a deep fear rooted in the ratty vines of the false ego, a fear that quite simply prevents us from acting as the sweet instrument of the Lord.
What does this mean to act as His instrument? It is a total, unselfish, vulnerable gift of one's being to doing His work and will in this reality. No longer do we ever put ourselves ahead of His considerations. This is where the great blessings of patience and courage are needed. To kill this fear, to remove this dam, to shatter the obstacles that prevent this torrent of Divine love from flowing into our hearts and outwards.
But I am afraid of this. Only steadiness, determination, and patience will help me to lose this primal, animal fear. There is no magic-trick, no self-help method other that chanting of the Holy Name. This is the greatest hope and help.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
We come upon a certain sense of trust when we fully idealize another person, but this trust is see-through and nebulous, because neither the trust or the ideal of the other person is full and actual.
Real trust develops through a process of vulnerability and honesty, of acceptance and tolerance, earned through understanding and solidified by forgiveness. Trust is not handed to us like loose change; it is formed from the alchemy of a maturing relationship, and it fully takes hold from the ground of a deep mutual and active faith in the mercy of Krsna.
This faith is the corner stone that pushed the relationship forward, so that you and I survive each other's faults and illusions, and help each other to fully transcend them. You are not offended by my falsities. You help me to be cured of them, to be true, and in this you earn my trust in such a way that it is forever concrete.
Trust is the least cheap substance in this world. Its real value comes through not a false idealization but through a care and courage that can't be turned away from any monster emanating from within our false self.
Turn around and face the face of death. Nowhere else can we find freedom and meaning in our lives. Does your asana, your stock portfolio, your head shot push you to face the void with a certain courage and conviction? Until we stop trying to out-run time, our hairs will perpetually become white and our body crusted and burnt from this fear that enraptures us.
Yet this fear is something that never actually belongs to us. We have stolen it, yet it is the least valuable thing.
Knowledge and detachment are our sword and shield. We know we are tiny, yet we know we are loved by Krsna. We know we are eternal. With this, we turn to face the reaper and he cowers like a deer. He gives us our freedom with great haste, and we fully become who we are meant to be.